View Single Post
Old 07-01-2012, 01:15 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
Directly asking for what you want - whether it be a kiss, sex, or verbal approval - has been slandered, and maligned as 'unromantic' at best, if not downright rude.

In characteristic hetero-mono-normative can`t win, asking for consent is considered too pansy for men; and, too assertive for women. A real man is supposed to just 'take what he wants', and a lady is supposed to 'wait for Mr. Right'. In other words, hetero-mono-normativity claims passive-aggressiveness to be Holy Grail in getting what you want out of a relationship.
I don't see this as true at all. In fact, it is usually considered a standard that a man won't know what a woman wants unless she tells him. Now, some women do that telling in a roundabout flirty way, and others more directly. But I have never seen asking for what one wants as something that is slandered, maligned, or considered rude - unless the person asking is simply just a rude, obnoxious person who may be asking as a formality but clearly feels entitled to what they want.

In my life of mostly monogamy, I've always asked for what I want. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't; sometimes asking is appreciated, sometimes it isn't. What's the big deal? I see no reason to cry over it or turn it into some manifesto or protest. You can't get blood from a stone, they say, so I either move on and try with someone else or fine-tune and improve my method of asking.

If it's pretty consistent that people find you offensive, then it may not be the "ask" itself, but your attitude that accompanies it.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote