Originally Posted by feelyunicorn
Directly asking for what you want - whether it be a kiss, sex, or verbal approval - has been slandered, and maligned as 'unromantic' at best, if not downright rude.
In characteristic hetero-mono-normative can`t win, asking for consent
is considered too pansy for men; and, too assertive for women.
A real man is supposed to just 'take what he wants', and a lady is supposed to 'wait for Mr. Right'. In other words, hetero-mono-normativity claims passive-aggressiveness to be Holy Grail in getting what you want out of a relationship.
I don't see this as true at all. In fact, it is usually considered a standard that a man won't know what a woman wants unless she tells him. Now, some women do that telling in a roundabout flirty way, and others more directly. But I have never seen asking for what one wants as something that is slandered, maligned, or considered rude - unless the person asking is simply just a rude, obnoxious person who may be asking as a formality but clearly feels entitled to what they want.
In my life of mostly monogamy, I've always asked for what I want. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't; sometimes asking is appreciated, sometimes it isn't. What's the big deal? I see no reason to cry over it or turn it into some manifesto or protest. You can't get blood from a stone, they say, so I either move on and try with someone else or fine-tune and improve my method of asking.
If it's pretty consistent that people find you offensive, then it may not be the "ask" itself, but your attitude that accompanies it.