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Old 06-30-2012, 10:15 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,138

Do you ask directly for what you want?

More or less. Yup. I'm a direct kinda gal. I like KISS -- keep it simple, silly.

But I don't say "I want X."

I temper it down a bit to "I'd like to X with you...may I? How would you feel about it?" in the date-y place.

It's only DH that gets the flat out "I want" because the subtle implied "I want X and I expect you to deliver NOW because I'm entitled so GIMMEE!" is kinda a turn on then.

Can be a total turn off in other contexts.

Why do you think asking for consent has been labeled unromantic? Thanks.

It's unromantic if your idea of "asking for consent" is a brusque "I want X" approach. That is not asking for anything. May as well be "I want potato chips!" Are you talking to another person or a thing? I know I am not potato chips!

It's more romantic if the question is actually ASKED. "I'd like X with you... may I?" or "I find the idea of X with you appealing... how would you feel about that?" You are engaging with me as a person, asking my thoughts and feedback. Not diving into my pants like I'm potato chips you suddenly felt like having. Again... "I know I'm not potato chips? DO YOU?" would be what would pop up in my head if I was in that situation.

It's possible to be direct with a little finesse and not come off all "GRRR! Thor hungry! Thor want EAT!" about it. It's not the concept of asking for consent up front that is unromantic. It's HOW that is done.

Once a guy who was upset I dropped him called me up drunk. At the break up I thought it was just too bad we didn't line up in commonalities. I liked him fine but he seemed to be looking for wife and I was not ready for that nor wanting that type rship then. I wanted something more open, more poly. So... not lining up, that's all.

He got all stupid drunk in his upset and disappointment and then called me from the bar and wailed "Why does DH-then-BF get to poke you and I can't?" I was horrified. Like THAT was going to put him ranking higher on my liking-you meter? Because our rship didn't get to that level? And I'm not a bag of potato chips just anyone can snack on? Sheesh. He apologized for his behavior later when he wasn't drunk and I forgave him but lordy... did that ever UNDERLINE why I thought he was NOT cut out for poly with me or what?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-30-2012 at 11:27 PM.
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