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Old 06-30-2012, 06:43 PM
Elpis Elpis is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Massachusetts
Posts: 1

This is kind of hard to talk about. It's also my first post.

When my now-wife and I started seeing each other 15 years ago, she was seeing two other dudes, which didn't bother me. We're extremely compatible and I didn't feel at all threatened by the presence of other guys. She broke up with me for a while, which hurt a bit, but she came back after she broke up with her boyfriend. I like the guy, actually. We practice the same martial art and we get along well now, though there was a predictably awkward time for a while there.

But that's a long time ago now. We're married now. We specified in our Ketubah that we be able to satisfy our needs, that we were open to relationships with other people.

It turns out it's not true. Over the last few years of our relationship, I've brought it up, but she only grudgingly accepts our agreement and drags her heels to the point that no sane woman would ever want to get involved.

I appreciate that she's lucid in her feelings, that she's not faking it for the sake of the relationship or anything, but she's afraid of being outed to family and colleagues to the point that I'd have to keep any new relationship secret.

Complicating this matter is the fact that this heel-dragging has gone on so long now that it's butting up against the closing of our timeline to have a kid. I'm 39 and have said for years that I wanted to have a kid by the time I was 40. She dragged her heels similarly on this issue until I set a date and we could actually see it coming. We want to understand the configuration of our relationship before we have a child, though, and by dragging her heels, she's getting to set the pace of the entire relationship, determining not only that I can't have other relationships, but the age I'll be when my kid goes to college.

So, In general, she interacts with this area of my life like she does with others: she doesn't want things to change, scarcely realizing that her reluctance is forcing a very unpleasant change on us.
39 years old, Semitic, mostly straight dude. Loves to be in love. Married and trying to figure out how to make this work.

Last edited by Elpis; 06-30-2012 at 07:03 PM.
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