Then one day we were talking and she announced that she had been talking with him and had figured out that he was the primary (implying I was the secondary). I felt uncomfortable with this, but didn't say anything about it. She started seeing him a lot more often (almost every night), and me maybe once a week. Then she told me that one of the rules was that when she was over at our place, his bedroom was "home base". I didn't ask her to go into detail about what that meant (bad idea!), but I assumed that meant I couldn't have sex with her in my own bedroom when she was over at my place. No sex with my own girlfriend, in my own bed! The thought of it ate me up inside. When she was here, she was here for him, not me. We live about 35 minutes apart, and it was difficult to make it up there on weekdays. I felt angry and frustrated.
When I brought up my concern about not getting enough time with her, she created an online calendar where we could schedule time with her. It helped a bit, but I often found that I would still be spending time with her without having any sex. We spent an entire weekend up at my friend's cabin, where there was no privacy and no opportunity for sex. I spent one night where I went on a date with her and then we ended up shopping until the wee hours of the morning. She seemed to be in an indecisive state and it annoyed me to no end. I felt like I didn't know what I needed to do to prod her to keep moving, and I had work the next day and couldn't stay up late. We ended up doing nothing but sleeping that evening, as I was exhausted. Three weeks went by where we had no sex at all, and it seemed like he was sleeping with her almost every night (and in my head at least, they were having sex every night). My frustration continued to build.
Then came the festival. It was a regional event called a "burn" that was meant to be like a miniature version of the Burning Man festival. All 3 of us were planning on going. It is no secret that there is a lot of drug use at these things, and she is not comfortable with it. In fact, recreational drug use (with the exception of pot) is one of her deal breakers. Both my roommate and I have experimented with such things before though, and are curious about them, so she made both of us promise that if we wanted to do anything besides pot, she wouldn't outright forbid it, but there would be a discussion with her beforehand where we would detail exactly who we were getting it from, how much of it we wanted to do, who their source was, how we knew it could be trusted, who was going to look after us in case anything went wrong, etc, and then if we decided it was OK then it would be OK, but only then.
Well, I was already feeling frustrated with the relationship and like my roommate (her primary) was getting all of the attention. Because of the amount of luggage we had we needed to take two cars. She went with him, and the plan was to meet up after we had all settled into camp. Her theme camp wouldn't let strangers join until they had gotten to know them, so I camped somewhere else.
While I didn't intend to break the promise and didn't think I would, someone tempted me with an offer the first night of the burn and after saying no a couple of times, they finally convinced me to try a little bit. I asked how long the effect would last, and he said "with this one, only 15 minutes". I thought to myself "She's probably with him right now. They're probably going to go off and disappear somewhere the entire event and I won't even see her, so it's not like it's even going to matter anyways." So I gave in to the temptation.