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  #18  
Old 06-30-2012, 12:25 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,022
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:hug:

Again, I'm so sorry.

You guys do not sound like you laid out a plan before jumping in for communication of wants, needs and resolving conflict in a respectful way.

Honestly? Need to slow it waaaay down!

Quote:
I'm not a confrontational person and I'm afraid if I do confront everyone on this and ask why the deception, I'll be the one who ends up as the bad guy.
It may/may not have been deception. They may just be carried away by NRE, and if everyone is new to all this, fine. We all make mistakes. We deal, accepted.

And you feel whatever it is you feel when you feel it. Accepted. Emotional weather just is.

Now how are we going to CHOOSE to act in response to this feeling? In response to this voiced emotion in our group? What wants/needs are not being met? Because that we DO pick. We CAN and DO choose how to behave decently to each other.

I'm not hearing that you are choosing to articulate and speak out your truth. Why this fear of being the "bad" guy? How is it bad to speak your truth?

I'm not hearing that they are inquiring as to your well being in all this. (Or is CH snowing everyone? Saying to them you are cool when you are not? Is there no time scheduled for the Big Four Roundtable of some sort to get the weather report? The wassup? How is everyone doing? If not, lesson learned. Schedule that pronto. As a weekly, monthly whatever the group thinks works for the group. But get it on there! )

Because basically if CH is off chasing NRE vibes, and neglecting you, he's not tending to your relationship for sure. (You + CH branch). And what if you come to find he's selling them a song, he's not exactly truthing over there either. He's being shoddy on the CH + man and CH + woman branches by triangulating? That's not cool. Get it all in the open.

Consider polymath, consider which branches are needing tending here. For sure your CH & you branch. What else?

YOU have a responsibility to your other people. You may not be lovers to all, but you are involved in a 4 unit polyship so you need to at least be polite to your metas/lovers about info exchange for safe sex (ex: screen results) and you need to at least be polite about scheduling time.

So you holding back because you might be the "bad guy" is you not holding up all your sticks responsibly here. You have to hold up your end of the "You + man" branch even if you are destined for a break up. How do you want to part? As friends?

And wassup with the "You + woman" branch? That needs tending too.

They don't sound like they are holding all theirs sticks up. Nobody is beating your door down for discussion. WHY? Find out. Speak up.

Get a discussion going, make the repairs now before it gets worse. Things may not have played out to the ideal of all, but talk it out, negotiate what configuration it IS you have here and the expectations/ground rules by how you all want to play together here.

Or you really will have to come to hard decisions about how to check out of this mess with grace and mostly intact.

I'm not wild about how CH thrust you into this situation... but you need to stand up for yourself a bit too. Speak your truth.

I'm really hoping this is a case of everyone being carried away and all newbie or something. Because for it to be on purpose would be just careless, thoughtless UGH.

MEGA ugh.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-30-2012 at 12:34 AM.
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