Just wanted to say welcome to the forum.
I hope you are able to get things worked out with the wife of the relationship. Is you having a romantic relationship with her a must, or can you and she just be friends? As for things she has done that were hurtful to you, perhaps she didn't do it on purpose, but it takes time for people to heal from wounds, forgive, and move on. CielDuMatin has a point, maybe having more personal space and privacy would be a help to you at this time. But I wouldn't think you'd need to give up on the whole relationship.
I hope Polyamory.com is helpful to you in getting all these things sorted out. We're pulling for you.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"