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Old 06-29-2012, 07:17 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
You could tell them you are happy for them, but you feel lonely, and you would appreciate a bit more attention from them, either as a partner (your husband) or as friends. And that would feel a bit left out and you'd like their support.
I would add on top of that that you think specifically about what it is you want you're not getting. You should be able to ask for X nights a week where you and CH have a date, or just spend the time together where he isn't talking to/you two aren't hanging out with, the other couple. Having a hobby together you engage in regularly with each other only so you have something to bond over, etc.

If you ask for specific things, his answer can't be "it'll get better in time" He will really need to hear what it is you're not happy with, and respond to the specifics instead of being so vague. If you don't know exactly what you need, I'd suggest experimenting and suggesting 2 or 3x a week where it's just you two spending time together, be it a date or chores or errands, and if that is more or less time than you need, adjust it after a few weeks. If you feel your Sundays are feeling ruined because he wants to hang out with them and it was always a day you relaxed together, ask to reclaim Sundays, and see if that helps. Ask for no phone calls after 11 pm on work nights if that's making you feel like he's not present with you at home, etc. I don't know just how all you're feeling left out so it's hard to suggest really pertinent things.

If he will not agree to specific things you need to feel comfortable and happy in your marriage, I would insist on a relationship counselor, and if he refused, I would probably get moving on a divorce.

How long exactly has it been since the whole process of meeting them happened? I didn't see that answered, and it could be useful info to get the best advice from people.

Have you thought about or do you want to date anyone else, or was the only positive appeal to poly during this process because it might turn into a quad with those exact people? As it sounds like you're at the end of your rope with CH's behavior I wouldn't suggest doing that just to distract yourself from how unhappy you are with him now, but it's something to consider.

I don't know if you had problems with CH before or if your sole desire to leave the marriage is based on his acting like a lovestruck negligent jerk. If it's just his current behavior I probably would put more effort into working through this than I would if we were already having problems.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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