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Old 06-29-2012, 06:29 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

Thank you for all the replies so far! It's really great to read about it. I thought I'd get in and put myself out there too, in terms of the questions I asked:

1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?
I'm 16 months in and I still get pangs. Pings, pangs, pongs... GalaGirl... I just don't know! When my primary kisses someone else, half an hour ping/pang/pong. When she goes on a date - niggling ping in the back of my head. When she sleeps with someone? I'll find out soon enough!

Wouldn't mind if all the pings/pangs/pongs went away, to be honest. I was hoping for some sort of Holy Grail where that would happen eventually. I wonder if it will....

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?
I ask because I say I don't want to know - but wonder if I'm being an emotional wuss in that sense and missing out on an opportunity to tackle those pong demons. That being said, I obviously want to know when sex has happened. Haven't had that talk yet with my primary; but it's coming.

Sometimes I hear other people, including my primary at times, say that they really are cool with all of it. No pings, pangs or pongs. Sometimes, they even say that it's a turn on to hear about it.

It makes me wonder if I'll get to that point.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?

The kissing and sex side, I am dealing with. The love side bothers me, because I could see it getting very tricky, very fast. In an ideal world, I'd want secondary partners who are friends, but the love to remain in our poly V.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?
We have an agreement that we try to meet them before sex happens. That being said, if my primary wanted a one-night fling, I wouldn't feel so inclined to have to meet them.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?

If my poly dates a lot, or sees a date more than once in a week, that bothers me, due to my own personal and acknowledged poly 'expectations'.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"

I think the "are you ok with this" approach is kinder.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?
We have one, but have never used it and never want to. My primary had a problem with me dating her friend, so I called it off. She had a problem with me dating a couple of other women, as she felt they were toxic (to be fair, they were) - so I called those off.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)
Ping, pang, pongs are my biggest stress.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
For me, it's trying to figure out *how* to act in a committed way. I am trying to figure out how much independent decision making is too "single" and how much is just right.
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