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Old 06-29-2012, 05:45 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467


Holy hell, math, at this time of day?

Your reply was fantastic! Thank you!

Mine's going to be an essay too. Apologies...

So in THIS polymath Laura has you, Mark, the online person as primaries. Then the BDSM play people (let's call it 2 since you said players PLURAL), her sub for second. And she is SEEKING a new sub?
Yes, she has me, Mark and her online sub.

BDSM play partners -
About 3 in the past year x a few casual play sessions with each. No full sex or anything performed on her. She says that she took it slow out of consideration for us.
Anyway, they've basically come and gone. (I was going to say metaphorically speaking, but actually, in the literal sense too... ho ho ho...)

Dating/seeking -

((As a side note, Mark and Laura live in the US, I live in the UK. I stay with them 3 months on/3 months off, until I can move properly.))

The dating comes in bursts. Her last play partner ended around Christmas. She didn't go on any dates or have a play partner whilst I was there (Feb-May).

Since I went home to the UK 7 weeks ago, she's had dates with about 6 guys. She played with one at his house, once, then he disappeared. There are an extra few guys on top of this, messaging her back and forth. Now she's met a guy that she likes and he does sound like a good fit for all of us. I've also talked to most of them online, which is considerate on her part.

I'm a Domme, she's a Domme, husband's figuring out what he is - so I totally get that she needs a sub. She's a fantastic Mistress and I do think she deserves a sub she can train.

Basically, she just isn't finding what she's looking for - they either don't suit, or they disappear on her, which is why she didn't stop after the first guy 7 weeks ago.

It's not measured in cups or teaspoons. You report your emotional weather to your people, and your people help support you trough it because they signed up to surf Life with you -- the peaks and the valleys of the waves.
So you are basically saying... no amount of jealousy, or negative emotion is too much? Unless one person cannot handle it? I'm finding that I feel as if I should feel 95% ok with everything after over a year of poly. ~laughs~ One year? I'm practically a baby, aren't I?

Maybe you are all FINE with poly, but not cool with there being so many? Ever person has their limit, but it does spread thin after a point. I started feeling spread thin and ugh at 3 people in my world. One had to go, and for a long while 2 was good.
Numbers are a funny one. She would like me, Mark, her online sub, a real life sub and possibly one or two very casual, now-and-again play partners.

I have always known that's the case and I'm ok with it. Though man, on paper, it does look greedy. Hahaha.

And she's in have her cake and it too mode sounds like. Kinda skimping on the maintanence work of her rships, because since she's not worn the other shoe much she's not esp sympathetic/empathetic to you or mark and your feelings or needs?
I definitely think that she actively tries to be thoughtful and considerate. She responded well to the one person I slept with and is considerate of our guidelines.

But yes, I think that because she doesn't know what it's like to share either of us with so many people, or have to deal with so many dates and goings-on, she perhaps just cannot understand why it can be stressful.

Plus, obviously, I live on the other side of the world half the year, so that has it's own stress!

Like "Aw, man! I wanted to go have "wheee!" surfing time over there with other person. Why you rain on my parade here reminding me that I have to be here in your valley time?" Rather than thinking "OUR valley time" in OUR relationship.
(Made me laugh) - and interesting point!

Thing is - I think she *wants* to be sensitive and considerate.

Much of the time, she says she understands emotions and she's here for us, because she loves us. Other times, i.e. if I'm fine with a guy and Mark's struggling, she'll say "I wish you and Mark were ok at the same time! This is supposed to be fun!"

It's more that she feels after 16 months, some minor negative emotion is to be expected, but should be on it's way to being mostly gone by now.

These extra people? Barrier sex with Laura. Whether she also barriers with them is on her but on you? Barrier sex. Then you don't have to deal in/think as much about it but on the simplest levels and that alleviates YOUR stress on the non-primary tiers.
Ok... barrier sex? What do you mean exactly?

On the primary tier: Are you happy being on a primary tier with Mark and the Online person? If so... beef up you rship responsibilites. Cuz here where we at:
I'm happy with it - so, how can I beef up my rship responsibilities?

And thank you for the poly math - I think I've got some learning to do!

God, I rambled.
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