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Old 06-29-2012, 05:15 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?

My husband and I started out swinging and worked through most of our potential jealousy issues that way. Since starting exploring poly, neither of us have struggled with jealousy pangs at all.

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?


I will tell if we've kissed (which is expected pretty early on), but I don't discuss what it was like, really.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?

No experience with this so far, but I could see time constraints/dating often being my major issue. My husband works nights, so while I get to see him every day it isn't really quality time. The weekends are really the only focused time he has, so when I have to start sharing every single weekend, I'll probably struggle at first.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?


Eventually. After a month-ish, I think, would be a good time for us to meet. My husband usually falls for people he knows well, so most of his love interests have been people I've already met at work events or through friends, anyway. I would want to meet dates that he thinks he'll have sex with, so the sooner that comes up the sooner I would want to meet her.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?

Not formally. So far it hasn't been an issue.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"

Kissing I feel no need to talk about. We discuss is before we have sex. Anything that could be an issue (spending the night together, sex, meeting families) is approached in a "I'd like to do x - what do you think?" kind of way.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?

No veto rule, but we both know that if the other doesn't care for a person we're seeing it probably won't work out in the long term. As long as there is a good reason for it, if hubby asks me not to date someone, I won't. Same goes for him. We both like to get all of our loved ones together for stuff, too, so we generally only date people who are willing to be friends with our other loves, too, at least on a casual "we can be at the same party and get along fine" basis.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)

For me personally, time.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?

A single person can go out with someone they are dating 4 times a week at first to accommodate for that NRE. A poly person has to ease into it to help transition from being in x amount of relationships to being in x+1 amount of relationships without making any other partners feel like they're being ignored or abandoned because of the new partner. A single person can date multiple people casually and not mention them to the others. A poly person has to be open about being in other relationships.
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