Child and future worries, but still loving more
Have had too much time on my hands as it seems and again started playing the 'What would be, if …' game. Context is the fast approach of August and our plan to start trying for a child then. I have worried about this topic and the possible pitfalls around it for two weeks now and wasn't too sure how to voice my insecurities, as most of them have been 'kind of' discussed already. But what worries me aren't so much the single issues but a possible combination of them.
I didn't quite notice how burdening this has been for me since Lin voiced some concerns yesterday morning and I reacted by getting all teary and such. He scolded me for worrying on my own and not talking to them about it. I therefore told Sward this morning that I would like to have a talk in the evening about the things worrying me to make sure or to reassure myself that we would be on the same page, if any possible scenario come into being, that everyone knows how the other(s) see the possible issues each is having.
On a much happier note, I have to say that the last night has been great, as well as the last week in regard to couple and vee dynamic. I feel so much 'in love' and 'love' that I really struggle with the fact that I am voicing my love unequally. I still haven't told Lin the notorious “I love you”. It's such a big hurdle for myself, I am at the stage of feeling it at the tip of my tongue in so many situations but it won't come out. I know this behavior, it was the same with Sward back then. Really curious right now if I will be able to say it on our anniversary in two weeks. I feel so secure in my feelings at the moment and so loved … that I am still able to worry is in a way unbelievable, even for myself.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.