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Old 06-29-2012, 02:24 AM
persephone persephone is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 68
Default She'd be dating him, if only he was female

My male partner, D, started seeing a female acquaintance of both of ours, M, several months ago. I have always liked M and was happy at the idea of D having a potential relationship with her. When we first met M, she was in a serious relationship with a woman, but told us that she identified as bisexual and used to be married to a man. The relationship with M's girlfriend ended last October. M still misses her, I know.

D and M went out on several dates together a few months ago and it went very well, I heard. They were not sexual together, her choice, but I believe there were some passionate kissing sessions. Then, M suddenly was much less available to see D, pleading work reasons, kid reasons. A month and a half went by, with D trying to make plans with M and M always being too "busy" to see him. Then M invited me to an all-female event and I hung out with her one on one for the first time. During the course of that evening, she referred to herself as a lesbian at least three times. I suggested to her the first time that her being a lesbian didn't make much sense because she was dating D, who is male. After that evening, I told D what M had said about her sexual orientation and told him that I thought that M was gay, not bi, just in denial about it.

That was almost two months ago and D has not had anything resembling a date with M this whole time except for a quick dinner when M was headed to the airport and D was on her way, even though I know he's repeatedly asked to see her. They email at length, and talk on the phone, but she doesn't make plans with him. M recently admitted to him that she has started dating a woman, someone she met recently, plus she hinted at dating other women too, but did not provide details.

M is now insisting that she DOES want to date D, does really like him, does want to have a romantic relationship with him, just isn't quite "ready" yet, isn't over her past partner yet. She also says she wants a girlfriend in her life before she considers having a boyfriend.

I believe that if one isn't over one's past partner enough to consider a new relationship, that should apply to all potential partners, not just certain ones. I think that M is playing games with D, and that he's being marginalized in her life solely because of his gender.

D is confused and frustrated and doesn't know what to think.

What do you folks think?

Last edited by persephone; 06-29-2012 at 02:30 AM.
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