It's really nice to see the determination on the part of everyone to get these issues worked out. I'm glad you're still around, Mono.
This trifecta of threads that we're dealing with here 1
, and this one have seen some really good discussion IMO about non-sequitirs, appropriate tone/ taking things personally/passive aggressive snark, and the purpose of this community and all that it entails.
There are other issues in there too, for different members, obviously lots of feelings involved.
It's a really difficult thing for me to disengage my feelings from discussions on here,- in fact I really can't, because lots of you have made your mark in my life, and I care about continuing those relationships and having a safe place to talk about things poly-related in a supportive environment.
That would be my personal answer to this point, which certainly does unveil a double standard and is something that I will have to think about
I also feel the need to point out a couple of double standards here: First: We have other members of this community that use pretty blunt language and are often explained and excused when that bluntness is off putting to newcomers. Yet when a new poster comes and uses a very similar blunt language, that is interpreted as inflammatory.
I know I tend to be offended either when someone challenges something dear to me, or some process I'm in the thick of that I am not ready to be objective about. The people posting on here that I know, I can take with a grain of salt, because I know they have knowledge of me and my situations beyond the quote they are citing. I know that I could always be wrong, and usually if my hackles are up, there's a reason that's largely internal that I feel so fierce about it.
It's mentioned quite a lot on these threads how it's just the internet, and how silly it is to get riled and emotional looking at a computer screen with little icons for people you've never shared air with. But I am not the machine I'm working with. I do get really emotional because I share some pretty fucking personal things on here, and I'm always grateful for the diversity of perspectives that challenge my evolution and also the goosing and pats on the back I get that make me feel supported.
Call me a hippy, but I really draw a parallel between the way discussions develop on this forum and the process that many of us are going through in our lives of refusing to give up, settle, harbor denial, be mentally stagnant, etc.