I'm just updating really, because it is a cool place to keep some thoughts. If any of you want to ciomment, that is always cool. If not, fair dos.
Hubby decided that I should go ahead with a BDSM session without anal and vaginal intercourse. He was worried but everytime I offered to cancel it he said I should go ahead because we had to deal with my feelings at some point.
The whole experience was fantastic for me but initially mortified my husband. The poly therapist is beyond amazing though and has really helped my husband through his feelings. Hubby has even suggested we go to a poly meet and greet so he can get to know other monos in successful poly set-ups. The therapist actually advised him against going to a specific mono support group because hubby is so much further along in his strength and thinking and belief in our relationship than they are. That was remarkable to hear.
Thankfully, my husband is also cool about me keeping my playmate, which is more awesome than I can say.
There is going to be an enormous amount of work to stay strong, but we both believe we can keep building on things. I am incredibly lucky.