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Old 06-28-2012, 06:07 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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My situation is different.

DH and I have been together a long time and I told him from the beginning when we were dating that I was not wanting to be exclusive. I just wanted the sex hygiene on the level and to be truthed to and kept in the loop. So if he couldn't hack it or was not looking for that, then we could just be friends. He was intrigued so we went on to date and he was fine.

Benefits to him? Our time then with him as my main squeeze? It was all about the present -- sweetness and light. He was for my heart and body. I dumped all my mind & heart stuff at my Other who was LDR. Body was harder there, so he got more of my mind. Blame geography.

Which meant he got more of my stressy and anxious and lalalala while my main squeeze got some of that but not as intense because... well, not! Other got more of my inner thoughts and mind intimacies because well... LDR. We spent a lot more time talking because we could not have all that much body time. And the stuff would burble up. We enjoyed the share mind intimacy.

So my main squeeze wouldn't always get my deepest thoughts in the mind bucket but he got the deepest experiences in the body bucket. It isn't that I did not inform him of wassup, but the bulk of my processing was with Other. So he got to weather the storm WITH me, while DH Then BF got the weather report. It's different.

Other offered to move closer... I often wonder what that would have been like -- both more local. But school/jobs and things just weren't lining up. We had to accept this and Other and I broke it off. HIS more Other, in person local was having probs and jealous at me.

Then we closed up to be exclusive and are in parenting mode now as closed. (No desire to have a poly tribe in parenting time at ALL. ) There have been times in our closed time where we argue and he's expressed his "Ugh! I hate having to be like SuperMan!" which is true. He's my everything guy right now, and sometimes that's a lot.

But we talk and agree that if we open again, it has to be after the main parenting time. Coupled with eldercare for our parents it's just too full of plates.

So it's not like he'd be shocked, surprised from ground zero if later in life I broached it. Or he did.

But we do talk about how different it would be to return to that. It would be ending the current configuration and there would a mourning for the season ending along with the exciting/scary of something new coming.

I think even if you started mono-mono and THEN discovered you wanted to go mono-poly it is something similar.


It would be ending the current configuration and there would a mourning for that season ending along with the exciting/scary of something new coming.... the unknown.

Only for you it is exciting scary and for him it's scary scary maybe? So it IS kinda like "I'm giving up stability config for WHAT?" anxiety.

Mine's BTDT. And I told him he had every right to seek others but somehow he never did. But since he's BTDT... I don't think he'd be all arrrrrgh shocker. It would be new in the sense it'd be new people. My ex's are long gone. But it would not be new in the sense that he's NEVER gone there. Maybe he'd be relieved not to be SuperMan any more? LOL.

And if I wanted to go there and he did NOT at that later stage of life we'd have to make some decisions then. But we've been together so long whatever happens will/should be ok. We talk about breaking up and being good exes if if ever comes to that for some crazy reason.

We talk about our decades together and the goals of the decade. Obviously right now is our parenting time so... *shrug* It is what it is in the 30s & 40s.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-28-2012 at 06:35 AM.
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