Originally Posted by redpepper
No, no "all" the threads here don't say that, which thread did you get this from?
I have not read this entire thread, but I am going to wiegh in anyway. Vetos are not generally accepted as a good way of doing business in poly. Everyone is an individual and everyone makes their own choices from that perspective. Sometimes people make choices because they don't want to hurt someone, but that is not the hurt persons choice, everyone acts out of free will. He has acted out of free will. He does not want to date you. End of story.
Well, look at my wording. It says "most." And I'm aware that some people have explained their vetoes differently from "toxic" "crazy person" "trouble maker" -- that's why I said "most." Because from the reading I did, most of the responses did say "I'd only veto if they were an obvious trouble-maker" etc.
Oh, and I know it's his choice. I just think it's a sad situation because he pursued a possible girlfriend for himself, was happy when she got back in touch, but was put in a situation where he would lose another longer-term, more established girlfriend if he pursued anything. I also think it's sad because I meant well and had good intentions. You may all think I was just trying to see him again and just going to "tolerate" her, but you're wrong.
I had visions of being really, really close to her. I had visions of us being very friendly and just supporting each other as people in the same profession, people who value the same guy, etc., etc.