Originally Posted by mercury
And as far as she and I being a lot a like, to me, that doesn't make it any more reasonable for her to say "Don't date her." The point is...you can't make all these little concessions for controlling. On top of that, she wants to stipulate that the other woman can't be too much like her?
She's just as much like me as I am like her, and I don't have a problem with it.
Nothing about that is truely Poly. They should stick with the Open Relationship label.
From what I read, they weren't seeking a unicorn for a triad, they were open to finding someone they each liked and connected with. So who cares if she doesn't like his choice? If she was secure in the relationship, that shouldn't affect her. She isn't spending time with this woman, her partner is.
I agree that it would be nice and wonderful if metamours truely liked each other, but that won't always be the case. The mature answer is that as long as the metamours are both mutually respectful of the other and trust in their partner to do what's best for their relationship, then step back and let your partner enjoy.
Isn't that the basis of poly?
This whole "You can only date her if I deem her to be of less value/appeal than me" is crazy. And her partner should thank her for demanding he trade down rather than enjoying someone he's really interested in? Wow.
Now there's a concept for evolved relationship thinking for you!