Originally Posted by nycindie
Vetoes suck. That is why I have a personal rule to never get involved with someone who has a veto agreement with his SO. Whenever I meet or am approached by a partnered poly person, I ask lots of questions about this aspect of their existing relationship(s). My boundary is that no metamours will be allowed to make any decisions about how or if I conduct my relationships. They can have all the rules they want between them, and it's okay if some of them affect me (like in how much time we can spend together, how often, or something like that), but if anything that does affect me clashes with my own personal boundaries, I walk away and do not get involved. I don't need the drama or heartache. This is why I am more cautious about married guys. And why I think singles/solos need to establish a set of boundaries for themselves and not automatically kowtow to a couples' boundaries without discussion and negotiation.
None of us asked enough questions or even knew what we were doing. That's the danger of everyone being new to poly and just sort of "winging it."
At the same time, since *I* was willing to negotiate / create a peaceful situation even after the confusion, I think she could have been more open-minded too.
Thanks for your response!