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Old 06-27-2012, 02:20 PM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Yes, I do think that 25 years together, financial support, marriage, all of it makes for a very different situation than yours.

WH. I agree with you. History, Tenure, Finances, Owning property, Children etc would tend to make the scales tilt to the Primary Relationship. I don't know that full equality would ever be possible based on those circumstances. But what CAN be equal is consideration and effort. Both partners given equal consideration for their needs. Both partners assured that equal effort will be put into making the relationship work.

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
In part, I worry about him, too. He's very, very emotionally invested, although he himself told me from the start that he can't offer me any real future and I MUST keep myself open to someone who can and he knows it will end someday.
That's great 6 months in. I've heard that same line of reasoning from my boyfriend until the last several months. Now, 2 years into this, it's a different story.

My bf also said how I should keep myself open to someone who can offer me a full-time relationship. My arguement in reply was always that my time is so limited, single parent, demanding career, this was probably all that I could manage and that I didn't want anyone else, just him.

Now, his tune has changed.

It hurts him so much to think of me finding another love. Rather than, "I'd be sad to lose you but happy for you that you found someone to build a real future with", the context has turned to "You wouldn't cheat on me, would you?" and "I'd be devestated if you left me. Please stay in my world with me." The thoughts of me moving on makes him sad, depressed, his mood gets quite sullen.

And that's ok! I am Mono. I choose to be with one person. I am happy with that. He recognizes that my being Mono would mean moving away from him if I were to find another. And I love the fact that he's finally being REAL to me about his feelings. Honesty is so important! And it's brought us that much closer.

My point is, it's inevitable that in time, feelings and motivations will change. And in the spirit of poly, all parties must be willing to work through those changes and what they mean to each relationship.

If one is to truely embrace Poly (as I read on here over and over again), then one must be willing to adapt to those changes. If progression is limited, then why bother in the first place? It's hypocritcal. That form constitutes an Open Relationship rather than a polyamorous one. There's another forum for that.

Last edited by newtoday; 06-27-2012 at 02:23 PM. Reason: Submit vs Preview.
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