View Single Post
  #32  
Old 06-27-2012, 12:35 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,882
Default

Vetoes suck. That is why I have a personal rule to never get involved with someone who has a veto agreement with his SO. Whenever I meet or am approached by a partnered poly person, I ask lots of questions about this aspect of their existing relationship(s). My boundary is that no metamours will be allowed to make any decisions about how or if I conduct my relationships. They can have all the rules they want between them, and it's okay if some of them affect me (like in how much time we can spend together, how often, or something like that), but if anything that does affect me clashes with my own personal boundaries, I walk away and do not get involved. I don't need the drama or heartache. This is why I am more cautious about married guys. And why I think singles/solos need to establish a set of boundaries for themselves and not automatically kowtow to a couples' boundaries without discussion and negotiation.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-27-2012 at 12:38 PM.
Reply With Quote