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Old 06-27-2012, 03:28 AM
mercury mercury is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 84

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Yes, I do think that 25 years together, financial support, marriage, all of it makes for a very different situation than yours.

As to the bolded part, I completely agree. And that's why I think the system has inherent flaws, why I would probably not agree to be part of this again, and why I will not let him be the love of my life without whom I cannot live.

In part, I worry about him, too. He's very, very emotionally invested, although he himself told me from the start that he can't offer me any real future and I MUST keep myself open to someone who can and he knows it will end someday. But he would ideally like what we have to last forever, even when he knows it can't and won't. In part, it can't or won't for exactly the reasons you said. I love every minute with him, and it suits me very well right now; I like him very much. But I'm not going to spend my life as second fiddle. To be fair, he went into this knowing that as well I went into it knowing there's no normal progression of the relationship with him.

I guess what I'm saying is, yes, no matter how much I understand it, there's still an inherent unfairness to one person, and I'm not willing to live with that longer than I'm satisfied with the situation as it is.
How long have you two been together? Does his wife support you having a primary role or does she actively want to keep you at some secondary level? Are you and the wife friends?

I think it might be more satisfying to you if it were more of a live-in thing. I hear that poly couples who are a "family" work a lot better. Do you have such circumstances or is it more like he sees you for dates a couple times a week?
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