Originally Posted by mercury
Just a little before we planned to meet for a first date (I still wasn't that into it but was willing to meet for a first date) I happened to find out from just randomly looking at the Facebook page of a casual classmate of mine (not a good friend) that he was in an open relationship with her. He/she were in a few pictures together.
I confronted him about it on the phone: "Are you in an open relationship?"
He said yes, and that he was planning to tell me on the first date. I didn't want to get involved (I wasn't judgmental of them; I just said "Well, I understand that y'all are in an open relationship, but seeing as how i know her, I think I'll pass." -- but then he talked me into meeting him.
See, this would have bugged me to begin with. I would have felt there was less than entirely upfront honesty.
I don't know how well he could have pulled off "equal" -- I know that was his and their intent. But that's all easier said than done.
I think for some women, they want to be the Chief and you to be the Indian, even if just subtly.
I can't have that.
And you shouldn't have to. And the thing is, I see a few people here who appear to be pulling off the equal fairly well, but when I look at my situation, no, I will never be 'equal' to his wife, and really, I don't think anyone should
be equal to his wife. They have a long history together. She has supported him through many things including financially supporting him while he worked his way up the career ladder. Now that she has some physical limitations on continuing her career full time, he largely supports her financially. I would never want to step in the middle of that. If somehow she and I both 'needed' him (emergency surgery scheduled for the same day, emotional crisis, house burned down, I don't know...), it would be morally right for him to be with her.
That doesn't in any way change my situation.