Originally Posted by newtoday
...I understand the sanctity of the "Primary" Relationship however I completely disagree with veto's. It's cruel and disrespectful to invite someone to give their time, energy and heart to your partner and then snap it away like it never happened.
It gives the whole Poly concept a bad name and it's probably one of the reasons why it will be a struggle for it to be so "mainstream" as many would like.
Yes, I think this is one of the inherent flaws of this way of living, that ends up hurting a lot of people. Even as the 'secondary,' I believe that my BF's marriage comes first. And yet, that will never be fair to the person who will, if there's ever a real clash of needs, take the back seat.
I had this discussion with my bf just a day or two ago, and he said they do have veto power, but it's more a situation where he'd just never get together in the first place with someone she had a real issue with, and the veto power is more over the lifestyle itself. If either of them decides they don't want to continue in the poly and swinger lifestyle, it's over, no questions asked.
I guess it's why, as much as I like him and enjoy our time together, I will never put all my eggs in one basket with him. I will never give him all of myself because no matter how strongly he feels about me (and he feels very
strongly), no matter how much I mean to him, I know he'll be there for me only
as long as his wife doesn't need him more, and only as long as she remains happy with the situation.
I'm not sorry I started seeing him, but honestly, next time someone tells me they're poly and would like to date me, I'll probably say no thank you.
I'm sorry this happened to you.