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Old 06-26-2012, 06:11 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

I feel your pain, but some of it is of your own choosing by staying in a red flag situation like this. You just aren't going to feel better staying in limbo with a dishonest person.

My girlfriend brought out that she wants open relationship. And she says she loves me and this bring us closer and she says the other people dont mean anything to her.
She's trying to sing the poly song? Well, in poly the people DO mean something. That's not honest poly.

She seems to be satisfied with the sex we have so to her she says there is no emotion behind having sex with others
So she wants recreational swinging instead of poly then? Soft or hard swing? Without naming names/getting screenings? She got a deathwish for herself? Or for you? Y'all could end up cootified if she doesn't want to be an honest swinger.

They are just friends and she cannot explain to me why she cannot just have "friends" with them but needs to have sex with them as well?
Because then she's lying about emotional connection to YOU, keeping YOU hidden from THEM.

Cuz she wants her rent paid by you while she does as she pleases. That mooching, and using you up and hurting you.

Also using THEM and being dishonest that direction too. If they do not know you exist they cannot know to ask to meet you or know your name, get your health screen for their peace of mind.

she has no explanation to that
Cuz who anounces "I wanna use you up and hurt you cuz I wanna be selfish and mooochy" and expect the other guy to go "Sure! Mooch and hurt on me!"

She wants her cake and eat it too.

She tells me that my acceptance of this makes her feel "free" and otherwise she just feels like a bird in a cage and that me accepting this really shows to her i love her
She doesn't have to feel like a bird in a cage. She could just be radically honest to all her people. There. Free out in the open information! Those who are in, are IN with her. Those who are not compatible wiring, ok, sad, but honest and can try to be friends. Life is. But nobody is stuck in any cages or stuck in limbo.

And love doesn't need "proving." It is shown. That you came here to try to understand poly and other things shows you care and are trying to understand her and at least learn the lingo even if it is not your own wiring. Commendable, certainly.

But there's nothing to understand if she's feeding you lines based on whatever is handiest at the time to get her off the hook of the moment. How is SHE showing love? She's not caring back by being slippery eel person.

From what you wrote about boundaries and then about wanting to open... she's just treating you bad. That ain't love. That is not honesty either.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-26-2012 at 06:26 PM.
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