Originally Posted by km34
Firsts are hard to get over... I get that. HOWEVER, have you even been talking to him recently or have you been planning all of this all on your own? Because from what you've told us, there is no indication that either one of them is interested in a relationship with you.
If by some amazing piece of luck his fiance would be interested in poly and you are considered, you would need to be upfront about EVERYTHING. How you and he originally met, how he cheated on her with you (and do you realize he lied to you as well? Have you dealt with/thought about that?), how you at one point wanted to sabotage their relationship so that you could have him... All of that would need to be addressed so that you could all start from an open, honest place. If after hearing all that garbage, she was still willing to try it with you... Well, I would be amazed.
You also have some things that are contradictory in your post - you say you want a closed triad but you'd be okay with her dating. That would be more open, don't you think? You say that some other person started all these rumors about you that made the fiance dislike you but then you say that at one point you DID want to break them up - sounds like grounds for disliking someone to me.
This situation is so messed up with so many screwed up parts inside it (fiance being lied to and cheated on, the guy lying to both of you, you possibly borderline stalking, no clear or honest communication going on... Shall I continue?). I think it's best to seek some therapy for yourself, get over this guy, and move the heck on. Sounds like the other two could use some counseling or at least some work on communication too if their relationship is going to last.
True, this isn't my ideal situation I am monogamous and would prefer if he were single but I'm already in love with him and I just fell into this by accident so there's nothing I can do.
I won't try to break them up though, as I feel its extremely unfair to the fiancee. I was in her position before ((with the girl who broke up mine and his relationship)) and I know how it feels, so I wouldn't ever want to put an innocent person through that pain. The rumors were started by him, when we got into one of our frequent fights he told her that just to make sure she wouldn't find out the truth about "us." He's not completely out of my life you see, we've been broken up for 3 years but we still communicate and are "friends."
He was planning a Poly triad with us from the very beginning though so I'm not sure why you think he's uninterested... That 4th party just ruined it all and made him think it'd be too much of a headache to handle when he saw how me and her were fighting so he decided to dump us both and go back to being mono with the fiancee. He's inherently Poly though, mono is not his nature since he's made comments to me on how he can love both me and his fiancee and that he loves us both.
By closed triad, I meant that him and me would be monogamous in the triad. If she wants to that's fine, but I'd be okay if she went outside too. ((Not sure what that means if I want him and me to be Polyfi in the triad but don't care if she is?))