I do feel the proposal example is close: if the father says no it means no, if he says yes you can go on and propose to your girlfriend (who always has the option to say no as well). But the idea that the father or husband is a first step rather than a step to be taken at the same time (in the case of a husband) or not a step to take at all (in the case of a father) is I feel disrespectful of the spouse.
Thanks for sharing that! I could see it that way now.
Me? I cannonball into the pool and have the confidence to do it and deal with the result. The OP is a mono thinking about stepping a toe in the water... not even stepping a toe yet but thinking about it.
The "pre-contemplation" or "contemplation" stages and not really taking "action" stage yet.
So there I'd suggest tell the friend first because I assume the friend was made first and wife came later. And telling her in trio would follow pretty quick there after -- so... why nitpick it? Open up to them one at a time.
I always ran my open rships with a "Look, I trust you. Do whatever, tell me when there's something to get excited about like sex hygiene. But I don't need to be excited over every little thing or know everything. If I wanna know I'll ask."
I see crushies as little things, not big ones. But I know to others crushies could be bigger than my feeling on them.
So interesting to see other POV!