Good general information about mono/poly relationships.
However, I think the OCD is not being fully addressed. My sister, with whom I am very close, has a adult son with severe OCD. To the point where, before meds, he used to believe he'd hit a toddler if he was out driving and saw a tricycle at the edge of someone's yard.
After he saw the tricycle, he'd circle around and around the block looking for the child he fully believed he'd hit. He was even stopped by a cop once, who was called to the scene because someone had seen my nephew circling the block for an hour.
His mind would cycle in worst case scenarios. He'd see a pregnant coworker at work pushing a cart of documents and believe he'd just pushed the cart into her belly, injuring her and her fetus. He'd look at the pregnant co-worker, feeling horribly guilty for hurting her, tho in reality, he'd not come near her.
Always a worst case scenario, and he was helpless to see reality until he got medicated.
All this nice info won't make a lick of difference if your OCD is driving you to constantly imagine and believe the worst-- that you WILL be lesser than any other lover your bf takes, that he WILL leave you as soon as he falls in love with someone else.
Someone else asked if your OCD has been medically diagnosed and if you are being treated. I wonder also how your bf's OCD manifests and if that affects his approach to venturing into poly territory.
If you feel so challenged, so undesirable, because of your medical condition, that you fully believe no one besides your BF would ever want you, none of the intellectualizing here will help. Galagirl has told you "just stop" having these obsessive thoughts. Of course, telling someone with OCD to "just stop" is pointless. If you could, you would. If you could, you wouldn't have OCD.
So, to be able to feel strong enough, being able to stand up straight in an H configuration, means you need to take care of yourself. See a dr, get meds, therapy... you might always be wired to have OCD, but meds can quiet the worst case scenario thoughts quite a bit. And the neediness, the constant quest for reassurance, the hopeless feelings.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37