I would be inclined to walk away, but then I'm not one for waiting around for people who show no desire to change. By the sounds of it, he had good intentions going in, but he isn't emotionally mature enough for this kind of relationship. That he didn't realize that going in isn't really something you can fault him for. It doesn't sound like he was lying or leading you on, as it seems like he was on board at the time, and then later couldn't handle it after all. It's not uncommon for people to get into something and realize they're in over their head.
I understand how devastating this is, but it doesn't sound like he's asking for a break, a month off, time to get his act together... he said he wants everyone to break up and go back to being two separate couples. I really don't see that you have any choice?
Really, for you to push it at this point is really just asking for more trouble down the road. He doesn't sound like he's willing to deal with his jealousy, and there's not a thing any of you can do to force him.
The only chance you might have is to talk to his wife and ask if she's actually happy in the marriage, if she's ok with her husband acting like he owns her, and if she's comfortable with this decision. Given that he agreed to allow the love to develop, I feel that he's given up his vote over her relationship with you and your wife. But whether she chooses to give him back his vote, or to leave him, is a choice that she does have.
Failing that, all you can really do is start the mourning process of losing someone you love, and maybe stay away from the swingers next time.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker
Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-26-2012 at 07:38 AM.