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Old 06-26-2012, 07:11 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Location: Saskatchewan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Isn't that kinda backwards on the first bit? How can anyone TAKE him from you? He's not a cookie. Isn't it enough to be a good partner he doesn't want to leave and enjoys coming home to and being with?
I completely agree that people are not cookies and cannot be stolen.

Unfortunately, that doesn't mean people won't try.

People can, and sometimes do, try to get between partners in order to steal them away. That's why they're called cowboys: Cattle herders come between a head and its herd, in order to take it away. They deliberately try to sabotage the existing relationship, to arrange so they can have your partner all to himself.

The way to protect your relationship from cowboys is through trust and communication. You can't stop other people from trying to break you up. But you can do everything in your power to make sure your relationship is not worth giving up. If your partner says he won't leave you for someone new, you have to trust him. Because only he has the power to stop himself from being stolen. You can't stop it with rules, which will actually be more likely to have the opposite effect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jerflan View Post
When I types, "someone taking him from me," I meant that I'm concerned about his sexual partners developing a strong emotional connection that could potentially contest the one we have. That may sound a bit selfish from the perspective of a true polyamorist, but at this stage in my development, I'm not ready for that.
I don't think it sounds selfish. It sounds honest. It's important to distinguish between rules and boundaries. It's perfectly fine to tell a partner that you have the boundary that you can only be with someone if you're their most "important" relationship. That's different from telling your partner he's not allowed to love anyone more than he loves you. In other words, one of them accepts that if he can't live within your boundary, it will be your own responsibility to leave and take ownership. The other means that he's expected to sacrifice his happiness for your own.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-26-2012 at 07:15 AM.
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