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Old 06-26-2012, 05:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Eko View Post
Furthermore, if one day all three of us were together, how am I supposed to feel special, if he is also with them? I have voiced that I think I would feel like the third wheel with my own partner in this situation and he can told me that would never happen because I would be his primary relationship.
There's nothing that says the three of you have to spend a significant amount of time together as a threesome. While I definitely believe it's good and healthy to meet your partner's other partners, and to try and have as amicable a relationship with them as possible, that's not the same thing as weekly group movie night or anything.

You have every right to say that you don't want other partners to be brought over to your house without you being OK with it. I feel the same way about friends, for the record. My home is my safe place. I feel uneasy when people are invited over without my input, because the presence of other people in my home inevitably changes the way I have to behave there (like wearing clothes, for example...) Some poly people will disagree with that approach, but to each their own.

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Because mono/poly is NOT a typical poly relationship, and a lot of the ground-rules and assumptions that are often talked about on fora like this just don't apply in my experience. *You have to respect both sides of it - the monogamy and the poly, and neither side can ride rough-shod over the other if it's going to work in any healthy, resentment-free way.
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Really? I'll admit my knowledge of people practicing poly is almost nil outside this forum, but there are SO many poly people on here in a relationship with someone who is mono.
Well, for starters, there is no such thing as the "typical" poly relationship... any more than there's such thing as the "typical" romantic relationship in general.

But there are definitely major differences between a poly/poly relationship and a poly/mono relationship.

For one thing, mono people, no matter how much they can intellectualize the concept and accept their partners, can never truly understand how it feels to be in love with two people at the same time. I can understand all the physiology of a male orgasm, but I wasn't born with a penis, and I will never truly know how it feels.

Another main difference is what mono people are willing to put up with, given that they don't feel the same way and the allowances they make can never truly be reciprocated. Some are more allowing than others, some are more willing to work on their jealousy. But some will never stop wishing that the love of their life would just wake up one day and stop being poly.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-26-2012 at 05:48 AM.
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