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Old 06-25-2012, 04:56 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,219

He's very much of the belief that my choice to do so is immoral and he seems to find it be a very unhealthy relationship structure devoid of proper commitment.
If you want to give him the cliff notes? I'd be like...

So your definition of that is what? 2 people only? Ok. So I'm in an unhealthy relationship devoid of proper committment by your definition.

I do not agree, but alright then. Only time can "prove" the committed-ness. So I have to let that go. Only time can show the "unhealthy-ness" so I have to let that go. But time will pass, we will see what we see.

You aren't one of the people I romance, so... not really your biz who and how I romance. Can you let that go?

You have your belief, I have mine. I choose who I am with, you choose who you are with. Can you let that go?

So we can we call it truce then, agree to disagree?
He feels it is. You feel it is not. There. End of story. See that? Two people in disagreement on that one. Can we lay it aside then and carry on with the REST of our sibling rship in peace?


If he's up for a little more?

It's like having a religion argument. And where hyperskeptic went with "the stages of moral psychology" I was like -- fine. Stage of faith development and what a person is ready to "take on board" when. Like James Fowler or Scotty McClennan.

If his development stage is just not ready to hear or not WILLING to hear? You are wasting breath. He's like a person in stage 3 on Fowler getting cranky on religion.

It's swell if both people are open enough to go "Alright. That's your path. I get this/do not get that. I do not share in some of these beliefs. But I can see you are happy in it. I prefer my path over here, this one is not my scene. But I still wish you well and can be glad for you. GL!"

But if you have a judeo-christian based trinitarian faith person? Who is closed minded forever? Or not closed forever... but just not ready yet to grow further and in stage 3? Just in earlier a stage of faith development where anything "other" than their own path rocks their boat?

They aren't even going to get along with the judeo-christian based unitarian faith "neighbor" much less the atheist or the buddhist that is totally radically different by greater degrees and several houses of worship over!

As for poly historicity -- there is NOTHING new under the sun in human sexuality. Sex in History, Sexualia -- many other books touch on this -- humans having sex across the ages in many ways.

He may feel weirded out because your are his SISTER. It makes it that much more weird and harder to take when eyes first open to the larger world of possibiliites on the sex buffet table -- bigger than you knew it.

If it's like "Oh, those ancients did that" it can feel weird but it is "safer" because it's arms distance, you know? It's a book. These people are not only far away they are dead!

Being the sibling, makes it that much closer. You are here. RIGHT HERE!

And even if logically your brother should have anything to do with your sex life in terms of who you have sex with?

As a bro who might want to share in your life? If you expect him to socialize and share in family time with your partner(s) should it get serious... like not jsut transitioning but around for DECADES?

Well, he's not in bed with them or with you but it be nice to sit around the thanksgiving table in peace and enjoy family! How does he do that? Maybe some of his weird fear is coming out from that anxiety pot. The awkward.

I'd point it out like that. "Poly is just one flavor in the sex spectrum" and "There is NOTHING new under the sun for human development. New to US maybe, as current people, but for HUMANKIND? Nothing new."

Even skype sex is not really new -- it's phone sex, sex by mail, sex at a distance. Think people who could send each other love notes or sex nasty notes weren't doing it in yesteryear? Same thing. The "Stationary" just changed.

And if he wants to learn more about human sexuality and all the flavors it could come in BESIDES his path, WTG brother!

If he's struggling to wrap his mind around it, yay for the struggle. He cares enough about you to BOTHER to try to struggle instead of just shutting you down or cutting you out. WTG, brother!

Go slow, tell him you'd like his "peaceful agree to disagree" if nothing else. He doesn't have to understand, support, be your gung ho poly cheerleader. You just want to be able to live your own life with all your loved ones and be able to have peace at Thanksgiving and not be having arguments with bro all the time.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-25-2012 at 05:49 PM.
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