WOW. Just wow.
I see no point in writing on the thread that left me saying that today. It seems to have gotten caught up in so many technicalities of defense that it's been rendered useless to me.
As a child I heard my father say something so many times it literally makes me sick sometimes to hear it now,
"I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth..."
As a teen I saw the movie "A Few Good Men" where Jack Nicholson says,
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!"
As the two things rang in my head and wandered amongst one another I started to find some thoughts of my own.
One of them is that sure-we THINK we want the truth. But Jack is right-quite often we can't HANDLE the truth. It's not a matter of willingness-we simply can't handle it.
So we get some portion of the truth, or truth somewhat manipulated and a person like my dad would say that means it's purely a phallacy. But it's not. Because it's not PURE. It's just not a PURE truth either.
I can tell my daughter that GG is her father. But she will look at me like I'm stupid-because to her this is NOT SO. Maca is her father and she's not interested in biology because she's not CAPABLE of handling the truth of it right now. Her brain isn't WIRED for that truth. HOPEFULLY someday it will be. But it sure as HELL ain't at 2 years old. Does that stop me from telling her GG loves her too and he loved mommy and daddy SO much he gave her to us? No. I tell her, because someday she WILL understand AND she will understand that I told her the truth AS SHE COULD HANDLE IT.
Is it logical to say that Maca is her father? Nope. It's not-because her DNA proves that he is NOT her father. We KNOW he is not so saying he is is NOT logical. And yet-it would be very illogical to try to convince her that he is not her father, because in her HEART he IS her father 100% and the heart she has doesn't give a DAMN about biology. Someday it might, some hearts DO care about biology. But it also may not, for some hearts never do care about biology. Now it's arbitrary-because when it comes to matters of the heart (like poly or mono relationships) LOGIC has little to no meaning. Logic can't heal a heart, logic can't give you love, logic can't support a friend and logic can't solve the worlds problems, but a loving heart CAN heal another heart, a loving heart CAN give you love, a loving heart CAN support a friend, and enough loving hearts can solve the worlds problems.
What is right? I guess that depends on precisely who you are, where you are, when you are there, why you are there, how you are and a crapload of other details.
Because for me abortion is wrong. But when I found myself pregnant after my husbands vasectomy (hadn't been long enough) holding an 8 month old child and caring for a 4 year old violent, previously abused, psychologically damaged child... I found that abortion was more right then risking the life of my 8 month old. I KNEW I was unable to carry a pregnancy without being bed-ridden and I knew I couldn't keep him safe in that environment if I was pregnant...
Would I ever suggest ANYONE put themself through the emotional turmoil of an abortion? HELL NO. I still think that they are wrong. But I vote pro-choice, becuase everything in life can be thought of as right or wrong depending on the terms of the immediate situation.
Poly is right for me. BUT it may not always be so. Mono was right for Maca-but it may not always be so.
HOWEVER-mono is right for my dad and always will be so. That's just the way he is. He's found fulfillment and happiness as a monogomous man, and he doesn't need to keep searching.
I found at some point in my life that being "right" or proving a point was just NOT pertinent if I wanted to build relationships.
I also found that building relationships was CRITICAL to finding my own joy in life and becoming the best person I could be.
I recognize the need to question things. My father is a logic person who does that ALL DAY LONG. He's also often.... very friendless. Not because he's not a kind-hearted person, but because he gets SO caught up in proving a point, that he forgets that each of us in on OUR OWN PATH through this life. As River said somewhere (roughly not quoted) we're all part of THIS COMMUNITY of life on earth. BUT we are also ALL individuals and we shouldn't have to LOSE that individuality in order to FEEL and be accepted as part of the whole.
ALL of us have moments of heartache, all of us have moments when we simply need to know we are accepted for who we are. ALL of us deserve to be treated with loving compassion by those who we've opened ourselves to-EVEN if they think we are wrong.
I didn't speak to my dad for 8 years because he hurt me so badly. Our hearts need gentle care.
I did read every post-and I get that no one was trying to say anyone else was a "bad person" specifically.
BUT-there was also little attempt (I saw 3 posters do it) to show COMPASSION, CARE, UNDERSTANDING and ACCEPTANCE for differences and different perspectives.
First and foremost we are here to talk about our need/desire to LOVE multiple people. It seems to me that the most logical step then would be to treat one another with LOVE when we are on here talking.
If we can't be LOVING to our "comrades" just because we feel that we are right and they are wrong, or we are logical and they are illogical or that our beliefs are truth and theirs are based in phallacy-
HOW ON EARTH CAN WE HAVE POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS????
If every person here took the time to consider their statements in regards to how the other person might FEEL they might find that they could in fact change the worlds opinions about polyrelationships. Because the first step in proving that you CAN love multiple people is TO LOVE multiple people.
Ok-that's my rant/vent.
My heartbroke in two today when I logged in. I just don't even know howto say the pain that went through my soul at the demise of a beautiful joining of a truly monogomously minded person with a polyamorous minded community. 1400+ posts... is there a poly-minded person on here with so many posts at all? That many since April '09? I know I have been posting my ass off since September and have bi-passed the number of posts many of the "regulars" have...
It's sad when we prioritize making a point over making a relationship.