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Old 06-25-2012, 07:59 AM
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PhilosophicallyLost PhilosophicallyLost is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 48
Default How did your mono S/O react when you first suggested poly?

I'm looking for some perspective and some ideas. I imagine some of you are like myself in that you fell in love with another person after entering a monogamous marriage/commitment. When you decided to break the news to your mono S/O, what were the challenges you faced? My husband is still struggling to be okay with the poly idea, and I was wondering if others had similar reluctance with their S/Os and how they overcame it. What helped get your S/O more "on board" with the idea? For those who did not succeed, what were the problems you perceived that led to the idea failing with your S/O?

My husband is still of the notion that he benefits much less than my boyfriend and I do from trying poly, since my husband does not desire to pursue the poly option much for himself. I disagree with his opinion as I see more benefits in it for my husband than he sees, but I fear that his perceived lack of benefit is creating some resentment on his part. I want him to feel that his feelings are validated and that he is still very cherished. I want him to see the opportunity for it to strengthen our marriage and hopefully his friendship with E. In his eyes he's had me all to himself the past five years and he feels he is giving up something very special to him by sharing me with E, and I see that this hurts him. Have you guys had to work with these kinds of concerns? If so, what helped the most? I appreciate any and all input. ^_^

Edit: Also, a big ethical concern in polyamory is full consent of all parties involved. Y has consented to some romantic gestures between E and me, but at this point I still feel that it's more logical consent than emotional consent. I imagine most mono primaries are initially reluctant to accept poly for numerous reasons, so I'm curious to know how it's truly developed to be full consent for you guys.
Me: K, female, 27. Married to Y for over 4 yrs (male, monogamous, 33). Opened relationship to E (male, monogamous, 27) in a relationship vee.

Last edited by PhilosophicallyLost; 06-25-2012 at 08:23 AM.
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