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Old 06-25-2012, 05:07 AM
jerflan jerflan is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 7
Default Totally in your bubble

Hey Corey,

I am in a very similar situation to you. I had almost identical rules to you, and it ended up leading to a fair amount of resentment on both sides. I would be suspicious of his texts, his going out, staying out late, etc etc. Eventually he "broke" the rules--got drunk at a party I didn't go to, hooked up with a couple, didn't call me, and didn't come home until 4 AM. I was ready to end it right there. I was so hurt and confused and the situation only added onto the insecurities and jealousy I felt that were the cause of these "rules" in the first place.

As a temporary solution, we decided to close the relationship in hopes that it would improve our sex life, and we enlisted in some couple's counseling. We still aren't super sexually compatible, but it did bring us closer and give us time to sort out other issues once the "x" factor was removed.

However, after a few months, it became clear that this was indeed temporary. I like to play a little too, albeit not as much, and not with my friends, as my partner does, but I could see that keeping him on such a tight leash was going to be detrimental in the long run.

After some thought, I realized that this is really my issue. I have insecurities and am jealous that someone will take him from me. I trust him, but I don't trust the other people. I don't want to live like this, but I also want my partner to be happy. So I suggested we do a complete 180 and open it up without any of the rules from before. He went up to SF for the weekend, and I'm sitting at home stewing in my own jealousy, but I know he'll come home on Tuesday and am not worried about him leaving me for someone else. It's not perfect, and I'm sure we'll change the rules again soon enough, but the relationship is important enough to me that I will force myself to face these internal conflicts head on.

I'm not suggesting you do the same thing, but your situation sounds so creepily similar to mine that I thought you might glean something from it.

Best of luck to you!

~J
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