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Old 06-24-2012, 11:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,357

Speak now. Seriously, speak now. You do yourself a disservice by setting up a flawed foundation. You cannot skip the compatibility testing phase. Relationships survive it or they don't, but a nice person trying to skip it leads to a nice person feeling trapped.
I agree!

I like KISS. "Keep it simple, silly."

I know it's my own difficulties with being assertive in a polite way, and I have some hyper sensitivities. Sometimes it's worse because I have trouble explaining which particular aspect of their action/statement was the bothersome part. They think I'm criticizing something bigger or different.

I'd just like to establish certain patterns so our relationship has a chance of being comfortable for me.
I'd rewrite and present to dating partner and something like..

Hey! Since we're in the getting to know you place?

I'd just like to work on establishing ground rules for communication patterns with you. So that I can feel comfortable in this relationship with you, and you me. What's your vibe on that? Wanna set a time for that?
Then when it comes...

I want you to know I have sometimes have difficulties with being assertive in a polite way, and I have some hyper sensitivities. Sometimes it's worse because I have trouble explaining what is bugging me. So I want to give you that heads up on that. Call me on it if it seems I'm acting all "shutting down" on you. I'm not. But know I'm kinda wired for bottling-it-up-ness and trying to get over that and own it. But I'm not perfect.

I also want to get feedback here... that when I'm feeling ugh about something or something bugs me? And I'm trying to do what's hard for me and wanting to get it out there? How would you like me to best express it to you? So you can hear me? Should I throw a pillow? Do a chicken dance? What?

And Is there anything you want me to know about YOU that I ought to take on board or look out for about your communication style? You know? Since we're in the getting to know you time? I like you. I want to know you."
You pretty much already wrote it, you know.

And as far as kissing? My KISS on that?

"Hey, no smoochies or gropies right now. Period PMS makin' me cranky/ me no likey public displays of affection/whatever it is. Still love ya. Just hold off for a week/til we get home/whatever the time frame. Thanks!"

"Hey, there. Wanna play smoochie gropies now? You up for smoochies? Cuz I am if you are. Wink."

It's just weather reporting -- wherever it is you are at. Wants, needs, preferences, etc. Some of this stuff might be big stuff like how to deal with conflict resolution. But most of the time it is piddly stuff -- don't make mountains out of molehills.

And don't confuse "criticism" with "critique." One is tearing someone down for no real reason. The other is feedback --
  • that was AWESOME! More of that!
  • No, not cool on that one. Maybe try___ next time?
  • Hey, that wasn't quite it either. But in the ballpark at least now! And Kudos for TRYING a new approach. A for effort! I know that was hard for you and I appreciate you trying.

Speak up and get your feedback out there. RELATE in your relationships.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-25-2012 at 02:57 AM.
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