A friend pointed out that I've had a year to think this through and read about it; my wife's had 48 hours.
I'm not expecting you to do things my way or anything. I was explaining how we work to help give you ideas for what you and your wife could possible have for baby steps. A launchpad -- own that thing!
I'm glad to hear this -- Writing each other letters is AWESOME! You are trying to connect, communicate, in a way that both can deal with. And have the breather times you need.
So keep and it and hang in there! We're rooting for ya -- that you really do eventually get to the close place you want to be with your wife as better communicators.