Update the second: we're writing letters to each other.
Which is far better than nothing. Gala girl, you should be proud, we're taking our baby steps on being better communicators. (On a side note, I appreciate these volumes of advice you're giving, but we're going to keep it simple with weekly "Okay, seriously, how are things going?" letters or talks over dinner. My wife sees any and all interpersonal relationships as a burden and a drain; we're going to make this as easy as we can. Like you said, baby steps.) In the mean time, we're going to work hard to live life as normal and to be kind, caring and supportive.
Anyway, as of right now her reply is "No." No, not interested in exploring "new age polygamy," no, not willing to let me explore this on my own ("Playing is not permitted.") Definitely no, not willing to think about this and kids. It's either/or there.
The one concession is the possibility of a threesome to spice up the bedroom, which really wasn't what I was looking for at all. (I won't say "no," we've done that before and had a fine time, but it's not the same.)
Le sigh. This will take time. A friend pointed out that I've had a year to think this through and read about it; my wife's had 48 hours. And like I said, even if all this rigmarole does is getting us communicating more and better about what we want and need from this relationship, then that's a win all on its own.
Thanks again, everyone.