Thread: Time Limit...
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Old 06-24-2012, 04:04 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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I have learned that hearing the words "I love you" are not nearly as important as the actions of someone I am involved with. I gauge the success of a relationship on how I feel when I am with that person. If I am being treated in a caring, respectful, and honest way, and receiving the affection I want, what difference does it make that they tell me they love me? Hell, often the most nightmarish relationships are supposedly based on love, but so what? Love isn't enough to make it work.

Being treated in a loving manner is much more valuable than hearing those words. Actions speak louder, as they say, and love can be expressed in many different ways. Some people just do not have an easy time saying it, nor in being physically affectionate, and I don't feel it's fair to pressure someone into saying "I love you" or being more physical than they are comfortable with, especially if most of what we have makes me happy.

If you're getting what you need from one partner, why do you think the other partner, a completely different person with their own set of baggage and modes of expression, has to give to you and treat you exactly in the same way? Why turn your preferences into demands? They could say it is quite unloving of you to not let them be who they are and express their feelings in the way they see fit.

Just some food for thought.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-24-2012 at 04:13 PM.
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