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Old 06-24-2012, 01:23 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,172

So you have small differences in preferences about relatively small things. Like your example, you don't like quick kisses in public especially early on. So tell them that. You aren't very comfortable kissing in public. Make it clear you love kissing in private. Reinforce this by reaching out and kissing the heck out of them in private once on a while, even if you prefer not to initiate most of the time. Positively reinforce the behaviors you want, gently remind them when behaviors you don't want happen, and clearly say what you want and don't want. That's not changing people but asking for what you want and need. It is more than ok to have and communicate your boundaries. Lots of people have varying boundaries about public displays of affection.

However you cannot fundamentally change people. You will always find something or something's you dislike about potential partners. Decide if they offer enough for you to pay the 'price of admission' - their annoying chewing noise. (The phrase is from Dan Savage.) Sometimes the answer is no. You sound like you are seeking the ideal completely non annoying partner. Such a person does not exist. Decide what you can tolerate, communicate clearly about what you cannot tolerate and positively reinforce what you want.
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