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Old 06-24-2012, 01:15 AM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 191

Originally Posted by canthiswork View Post
This is more of an anonymous vent than a question, but I would really appreciate advice from anyone whoís been in my shoes.

Iím the "other woman" ....
I tried to "vent anonymously" too and posted a thread starting with "I'm the other woman." Problem was, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend via email about my support on here, he read the threads, which was fine, he already knew 99% of the stuff I wrote. He just thought it was awkward to read about us like that. Then, as luck would have it, his SO found the threads. (She apparantly comes on here sometimes). Great timing. She found the threads , shit hit the fan and life has become a little complicated for us ever since. But my bf and I remain committed to our relationship despite the challenges.

It's hard when you have all these crazy emotions and no other place to vent or seek advice, support. This site and the online friends I've made here has helped me alot.

Originally Posted by canthiswork View Post
Iím much better off with all this information about poly, but to be honest, itís also been a bit disturbing. Iím uncomfortable with how formalized everything is with its own weird terminology and not to mention bizarre cult origins. Ugh. I hate the sound of "secondaries," "primaries," "vees," "metamours," etc.?!? Ugh. Iíd prefer to think of poly as simply a more complicated (and potentially more problematic) type of relationship between consenting adults. I hope I can get the notion that Iím a "secondary," instead of a friend, girlfriend, or partner, out of my head now!!!
Forget the titles. They are used here more as common language to describe situations, not actual relationships. He is your boyfriend. You are his girlfriend. No title can fully identify the role in a relationship. Wife to one would mean different to another of another culture, faith, belief system. Use what works for you.

My boyfriend calls me his Love. I call him my boyfriend. We don't identify as Secondary/Primary. I know that his relationship with his SO is "primary" as such due to their history (tenure), living arrangements, financial commitments etc. I guess that makes me Secondary although he would tell you that I am nowhere near being LESS in his eyes, mind or heart. He loves me. He loves her. He loves us differently, for different reasons. It took me a long while to trust in his commitment to me, that I wouldn't be disposed of for whatever reasons (particularly his SO asking him to stop seeing me) but his commitment to me is stronger than ever.

So banish those thoughts! Enjoy every moment of your time together and forget the labels. You're right, this is just a normal relationship with some extra potential complications or compromises. But what relationship doesn't have those to some extent or another?
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