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Old 06-23-2012, 11:31 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Because mono/poly is NOT a typical poly relationship
Really? I'll admit my knowledge of people practicing poly is almost nil outside this forum, but there are SO many poly people on here in a relationship with someone who is mono. You, I believe, me, redpepper, November Rain, Jane Q Smythe, Phy, AnnabelMore, dinged heart, I think...and that's just off the top of my head. I don't think there's a significant contingent of people here who don't respect monogamy or those who choose (or are hardwired for) monogamy.

The difference as I see it is between understanding and acceptance. MC may not (and may never) understand how I can love more than one person at a time, since he so far doesn't, but he can see that I do in the way I behave and he accepts it as part of who and how I am. Eko doesn't necessarily have to understand how her bf can love more than one person- she needs to see if she can accept that he does (and if she can't accept it, that's fair too!) and if she can trust that he still loves her as much as he always has and feel/be shown that love by his behavior.

If it's going to be up to Eko's bf to "prove" that he loves her (which is sorta what it sounds like to me), that's starting off from a poor place already, imo. How did she know he loved her in the first place? He said it, he did things that made her feel loved, etc. That's still all he can do, really. I know it's EXTREMELY hard to get past those things you were raised believing about how a relationship "should" be, and I commend Eko for putting in the effort to try to think about relationships and love a different way. Ultimately I think Eko needs to internalize the fact that it's OK to go VERY slowly through this process. Shedding decades of social conditioning or belief systems isn't going to happen overnight, if it happens at all.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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