I'm not sure why I feel uncomfortable about it. I'm very different when I'm with Scott, and I'm not sure I want Nathan to see me that way. I would not want to watch Nathan with someone else, I would hate to see him touching someone the way he touches me, I would hate it. I would not want to watch Scott with Mia either, but I don't think it would bother me. I don't think it would bother me to see him with someone else either, I don't think I would be turned on by it, but it would not upset me. I know it would upset me to watch Nathan with someone else. Why it would bother me to watch Nathan, and not Scott I don't know.
Nathan does want it though, he hasn't really asked, he just mentions it, and says that he might like it. He would never put me under any pressure to do something I don't want to do though, he is not like that. He has done so much to make this all work, and I think this is something I can do for him. I'm not uncomfortable enough not to try it for him, and am open to possibly enjoying it myself. I hope so!
I've been thinking about what he said about me feeling guilty, we have been talking about it also. I do feel guilt, but I think the bigger problem I have is one of fear. I'm scared of losing Nathan! It makes me very unhappy to think of us not being together. I love him so much, and want us to be together always, and yet having a relationship with another man is not the best way to keep him, is it? Nathan always has a knack of saying the right thing at the right time, and making me feel more secure, and it's because of him that I can do this. He has made such a huge effort to make this all o.k for me.
It's late here, and he is still out, when he comes in, I'm going to tell him that he can watch Scott and I if he wants to. We can try it once, and see how it goes.