Those are very good observations Kevin. I think the thoughts are the prelude to feelings, and then if the feeling is strong (uncomfortable) enough I go back into mad thoughts, racing thoughts, circular obsessive thoughts - trying to escape the feeling?
Trying to escape something born of thought with more thought is ultimately futile - yet we are programmed to believe that we can, that we may think our way out of thinking!!!
TEA does not stop us thinking, it interrupts it instead. Isn't it amazing how quickly most disturbing thoughts can be demolished with that exercise.
I am trying hard these days not to be so attached to outcomes. I identify with the things I do, the things I have, the people i know. But my true spirit needs none of these things. My true spirit sat in a cell and let the universe pour through my pen into beautiful poetry and song that touched many lives. I sat in my cell and reached out with my pen and renewed relationships with family and friends. I became extremely grateful to be in posession of a book, of writing material. A cup of tea. WEALTH. The sun on my face, a conversation, each day I'd live and enjoy life to the best of my ability in an environment of danger, fear and imprisonment. The only difference to how I was then, and how I would like to be now, is the promise of the future being better than the now - being released. I spent a fair bit of energy looking ahead, that in the future I would be happy as the future would be better than now as things would be different.
This is my problem today. to live in and enjoy today as the gift that it is. NOW is the only time i can be happy. My mind keeps flicking to where I want my relationship with M to be in order for me to be happy. This is nonsense. But it seems so utterly plausible. The short term gain of getting my own way, what I want, surely pales in comparison to being happy now, with what I have. Gratitude, joy, wonder.
I am uncomfortable with the fact I am still very concerned with how M and i pan out. It is getting too much energy. I must remind myself my life is filled with beautiful loving relationships, that we are friends, and only the future knows what will be. Anything is possible. Including patching things with M, or meeting someone who blows me away so much the (uncomfortable) thoughts of M just melt away. Or, better still, the uncomfortable thoughts melt away now.
I am ok. Thoughts are only thoughts they have power if I choose to let them have power. thoughts can build beliefs, and then we manifest things into our lives. i believe I am going to be OK. I am OK. Beakups are difficult, the pain also passes. i can learn and be better in every relationship in my future including with M.
I can manifest all of my needs. The trick then, is to be patient, to have faith in the process and myself. Gratitude, love, acceptance.
I seek bliss now that is not of any external source. Kevin, you noticed when i have faith in myself I am ok. this is true. Faith in myself, faith in the process, faith in healing, abundace, spirit, love.
I am a being driven by love. Now i must learn to be, to just be, to be love.