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Old 06-23-2012, 09:24 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,464

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Because you have been raised mono, and in mono world, having anything besides the spouse you married is automatically "cheating" and a bad thing.
"MONO" means one. More than one -- bbzzzzzz! Game over!
It's not just that - it's that if your partner loves someone else, then they obviously must love you LESS. The reason that they have fallen in love with someone else is because of a failing in YOU, something that you are lacking and that they are forced to go elsewhere to find. If everything was ok with your relationship, then he wouldn't WANT to go and spend time with the other person, because you'd be enough.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
And really, isn't that the same thing as mono if you get down to it?
No, nothing like it. It is completely different.

Yes, there are a lot of similarities when it comes to "best practices" with relationships, whether mono, poly, open or closed, but there are also some major differences, and that is what causes the doubts, the fears and the vast amount of work to make it work ok.

Because mono/poly is NOT a typical poly relationship, and a lot of the ground-rules and assumptions that are often talked about on fora like this just don't apply in my experience. You have to respect both sides of it - the monogamy and the poly, and neither side can ride rough-shod over the other if it's going to work in any healthy, resentment-free way.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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