[BaggagePatrol]

I had expressed my growing frustration over his lack of vulnerability with me in conversation - very witty and funny, flirty and surfacey, but very rarely showing me any kind of emotional depth. We had a great email exchange that was very telling to me, and put a lot of our concerns on the table for examination, and it went well. At the end of his last email to me, he expressed that a certain amount of his reservation had to do with the fact that he hadn't yet spoken with Elemental. He said outright that he felt that he must speak to him before our next date (which is tonight). I checked with E., and with his permission passed along his contact details to Mischief. Mischief txted E., and they set up a time for a phonecall (yesterday). After a couple of appointments and dropping by the second branch of my business, I headed to the mall for a little retail therapy and found a diaphanous and sweet summer dress in a rich plum, and went lingerie shopping. When I got home, E was all excited to tell me about his phone convo with Mischief, and I have to admit that it made my heart squeeze with happiness.

He told me that he really enjoyed talking to him. That Mischief had spoken of his admiration of me as a woman, and his respect of E. as a man/my husband. Mischief expressed his disappointment in the infidelity in his own marriage, and E put his mind at ease by telling him of our total transparency, that all was above board, and that he had absolute confidence and trust in anything that I wanted to experience with Mischief. E also mentioned that it was important that I was treated with respect and caring, and that if he fucked me over that he'd open up quite the can of whoopass on him. That made Mischief laugh, to which E. responded, "I'm kidding of course..... Mostly.", which made Mischief laugh even more. I think that the two of them could easily go out for a beer and have a great time, and that makes me feel happy.

And so today is about to unfold. I'll be packing and starting to get ready in a couple of hours, and then heading out to the city. I am being ridiculous and going on a date with the third man of interest on OKCupid, we'll call him Metro as he is super Metrosexual from what I can see! With Ranger's time constraints, and Mischief dating with his eyes open for a serious relationship, I am not sure that either will really be able to bring me the time commitment that I am seeking. I am Keeping My Options Open and feeling confident that it's the right move. Metro and I are going for tapas and a cocktail to get to know each other. He's been steadily messaging me for well over a month, even with limited communication from me, and I'm looking forward to seeing if there is a connection there. Unattached, but still curious.

E. teases me about this... "Another one?" But the truth is I don't really have a "one" yet. I am exploring these connections while him and Sync have a deep down emotional connection and months of history both shared and private. I don't have an equivalent, and might not find one - I am okay with that - but if I am to feel compersion, I KNOW in my gut that I need to have a lover/lovers to be with during the times that Sync and E are together. Exploring connections on my own releases me from stress for some reason - makes it equitable, gives me something to get excited about and have fun with. I look at this, and wonder if it's a form of avoidance, but I don't believe that it is - I am fearlessly and courageously facing our struggles. I am honest with myself and E about the way that I feel, and work dilligently to get to a place of compersion. I am resolute in my decision to make no decisions on behalf of E and Sync, ever. That I won't shy away from the hard work to make E's dreams come true. And so I seek out this connection with a lover/s, and so far, it has been a lot of fun.

Metro and I meet somewhere around 6pm, and I'm slated to meet up with Mischief later in the evening. We both know that we're dating other people, but I haven't actually come out and said that I have a(n) (intermittent physical, but regular cerebral) lover in Ranger, and as Metro is new news definitely haven't shared that either. I wonder if we'll have a conversation about this at some point - not really a concern for me, as long as we're being sexually safe.

Mischief is looking forward to taking me out for tapas and wine, and then taking me home to open a special bottle of wine. He is a wine enthusiast, and while the vast majority of his cellar is in the city's wine vault, he also has a beautiful selection at his condo. He's got smooth moves, so I'm expecting him to lay out all the stops and steer the evening in the general direction of the bedroom (or who knows, maybe I'm underestimating him and his kitchen table is due for an ass polishing - too dirty? Sorry, I'm a little dirty..... wait, a lot dirty....). I'm staying overnight, and while I'm not 100% that we're going to take our relationship to the next level, it's definitely on the table, so to speak (hah hah!) as a maybe.

I suppose I should feel like some kind of trumped up hussy, but I don't. I've been a sexually liberated woman all of my life, and have never experienced shame about being sexually active. I have definitely become more cautious about whom I share my body with for well over a decade, and think that some of my earlier trysts were just silly in my naivety, but not shameful by any means. I love my sexuality, and love sharing that with the right person/people, gender or combination thereof not really factoring in any longer. It's always important to me that the person be intimately open, loving, respectful, present in the moment and feminist - by feminist I mean that they aren't going to fuck me like a porn star, that they have taken the time to learn what women respond to, and are eager to discover what I respond to. Nothing worse that a soulless fuck to me, and I've thankfully never had one. I find myself drawn to men that don't participate in porn much, or at all, that are also turned off by the mook-ish mentality prevalent in so much of society. I also appreciate lovers who are not squeamish and dig trying just about everything. I love prowess in the form of confidence and a willingness to explore and push physical boundaries; lovers who are comfortable giving up typical power dynamics, and am turned on by a willingness to move past previous experiences of sex..... liberation, baby!

I am curious about tonight, and enjoying the anticipation. Am so happy that E and I have been having good talks, and that we enjoyed some hella fabulous sex this morning followed by long intimate snuggles and a lot of laughter. E is a very tactile man, and I can get him howling by wrestling him - I did a couple of surprise full body slams on top of him, and the delight in his eyes made me laugh so hard. Funsies.

Maybe it's almost time to put away this poly tricycle and bust out the training wheels for my little bike with streamers that I've had tucked away for myself. Just maybe.