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Old 06-23-2012, 06:15 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by Eko View Post
I would never leave him. I wouldn't. Whatever happens will be his choice to make. But I won't make that choice, I can't - I wont.

So now my OCD is going apeshit on me. How am I supposed to live... Just live and go on continuing our life knowing that he could one day love someone else and want to be with them because of his sexuality. My OCD is so terrible right now. I had to ask him, what would you do - What would you do if you did fall for someone else. You would have to choose, to be with me or to be with them, and he said he wouldn't choose.

He said he would be himself, he would be true to himself - so what does that mean?

He said, if he loved someone else and they were okay with his being polyamorous he would be with them. So I said you would choose them then, and he said no. He said he wouldnt be choosing anyone.
I don't know much about OCD, but I would imagine it's making everything 100x times harder. I'm sorry. :-(

I quoted the part I did because two things stood out to me: First, where you say, "What would you do if you DID fall for someone else. You would have to choose-" well, no, that's about the exact opposite of how it works for a poly person. We DON'T have to choose. I can be in a relationship with my husband AND in a relationship with my boyfriend. The point is that both my husband AND my boyfriend have to be okay with this arrangement. That's what he's saying when he says he would not choose. It would be YOUR choice and up to you to decide if you are okay with the arrangement of him also dating someone else, just like it would be up to the someone else to decide if they are okay with him also being with you.

Which brings me to point 2: you said, "I would never leave him...<snip>...Whatever happens will be his choice to make." It seems like you are trying to force him to "pick you", so you won't have to make a decision. That's not fair to either of you, and it's not healthy. You are saying you will never leave him. He's saying that, though he may love someone else, he still loves you and he's not planning on leaving. So the default is you're staying together, no matter how miserable you are with the situation and in the relationship. Now, maybe you will be able to wrap your head around him being poly and deal with your negative emotions in a productive way and end up not being miserable, and then it's a "win" for everyone. But maybe you just aren't able to deal with it (which does NOT make you a bad person, by the way. Poly and mono/poly relationships aren't for everyone) and then is it fair to hold him hostage in a relationship because you refuse to leave a situation you don't want to be in?
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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