I don't even know what to say other than the BREATHE and take it slow. :hug:
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I don't know what kind of tale M has told L. But to have a husband and kids and NOT have husband on board with the relationship, to NOT have you on board... that's not poly. That's cheating.
L might be so enchanted in NRE that he's gotten hornswoggled or something. But I'm sure that must disappoint you greatly with your partner of so many years.
Not just the cheating kind of way this came to pass. But that he is continuing
it despite your upset, despite the husband in hospital? Who is watching the kids
then? That doesn't sound ethical at all and what did the kids do? Nothing! Why is she not with husband? Why is not L encouraging her to go home to her children? To sort things out with husband first, while he sorts things out with you? Then sort out the mess together if anything at all can be salvaged from this experience.
I'd be worried. For all.
She doesn't deserve to be strangled and choked by husband. I'm not saying what she's done is roses, but strangling? Choking? Then her posting things on a board? What denial is she in?
What kind of people has L gotten himself mixed UP with here? Is he safe? Are you? Ugh. Drama.
I wouldn't blame you a bit if you checked out to regroup. Like --
"Don't see me right now. I need time myself to pull it together, this was shabby treatment. I expected more from you. I expect explanation and apology at the very minimum but I'm too messed up to hear it now. I need a break. See me in _____name date____ and you best be there. I strongly suggest you send M home to her children -- this is terrible on them with Dad in hospital. Love nesting now is just ugh -- all this irresponsibility. Man up, dude! Get your responsible on! "
Has he even begun to apologize?
That whole process takes time too, on your end. You need process time after this kind of shock.
- To forgive and forget but split?
- To forgive and allow to make ammends and stay together?
- To not forgive at all? Deal breaker time here?
Def, def breathe.
Remember a broken heart still keeps on beating.
And you take care of YOU first and foremost -- sleep well, eat well, do not be hurried or rushed. "Urgent" is not the same thing as "important" and you have a lot of "important" to sort here for yourself in the next while.
Hang in there!