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Old 06-23-2012, 12:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canthiswork View Post
Iím much better off with all this information about poly, but to be honest, itís also been a bit disturbing. Iím uncomfortable with how formalized everything is with its own weird terminology and not to mention bizarre cult origins. Ugh. I hate the sound of "secondaries," "primaries," "vees," "metamours," etc.?!? Ugh. Iíd prefer to think of poly as simply a more complicated (and potentially more problematic) type of relationship between consenting adults. I hope I can get the notion that Iím a "secondary," instead of a friend, girlfriend, or partner, out of my head now!!!
LOL, Well, I would say that most people don't bandy these terms about in real life. The phrases and terminology are only useful in communicating with other polyamorists, such as in online communities or poly gatherings when you want to explain who's who in any given relationship. And don't worry, lots of people eschew hierarchies. Heck, I find even saying the word "poly"out loud sounds goofy in conversation. Labels serve to identify other like-minded individuals and a common language/lingo helps us understand a person's situation, since it canbe so varied. But, no, very few people would address others in their lives by those designations to their faces - if they did, ew, yuck!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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