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Old 06-23-2012, 12:39 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FigNewtonian View Post
Why does that worry you? You love both men, both men love you. If it's a thing that both of them are into, where's the harm? Some people get hot and bothered with the thought of their SO with another person. It's a thing.
Your response is rather flippant. Where's the harm? Wow. As if it's all about what the guys want without regard for a woman's choice for herself. Sheesh.

Aurelie, if you are simply not an exhibitionist and uncomfortable with it happening, that's good enough reason not to. Perhaps there isn't really any reason to worry about your two men and how they will handle it, but the "harm," as FigNewtonian calls it, could be in how it affects you if you gives in to doing something you really doesn't want to. It's probably not that big a deal for either of your guys, but if you would feel compromised in some way for participating, then do not do it. You have every right to take your time in considering it, and every right to say "no" if you don't want to. Just because they're both into the idea doesn't mean they automatically get to do it. If you're uncomfortable with it, your wishes should be respected. It's your body. And it's perfectly fine if a guy's fantasies go unfulfilled. Not every wish needs to be granted. Shit, that's what our imaginations are for, right?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-23-2012 at 12:35 PM.
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