1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
The practice or belief of one can be romantically involved with more than one person.
2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
I'm a nurse approaching 30. I'm a solo poly woman. I'm interested in fitness, nutrition, cooking, fashion, queer culture, medicine, and lotsa stuff.
3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
This is the most partners I've ever had. In order of whom I first met/spoke with:
A) D, male, straight, romantic sexual partner of a year. D has not yet met my new partners, but I'd like that if we could all maybe arrange a weekend some time in the summer or fall, depending how things go.
He has a girlfriend. Right now he lives three hours away, so we're kind of in an LDR.
I really love D. He's been such a loyal friend and we have so much fun together. I know if I broke my leg tomorrow he'd be there, and he's been that way since I first met him. He's sensitive and intuitive, and our relationship really is about adventure and discovery. He's taught me to be a more patient, loving person.
B) Mr. Nice, male, straight, romantic, currently non-sexual. (Well, I've held both Mr. and Mrs. Nice's hand and kissed them both on the cheek after only two dates, and that's fast-moving for me.) Again, kind of an LDR, and he's three hours away in another direction. Just started seeing him, and there's definitely a spark (or a blazing fire). He's married to Mrs. Nice, whom I'm also dating.
He's very masculine, funny, an alpha male, and I enjoy that.
C) Mrs. Nice, female, pansexual, romantic, currently non-sexual. Like Mr. Nice, only two dates, but we talk/text everyday and there's something there. Sometimes, as a pansexual woman, I feel very lonely and really want the romantic company of a woman, and she fills that. I feel like I can be romantic with a beautiful woman in a way I can't with a man, no matter how much I care.
This probably got too long...
4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
I think the one I'm in is ideal, or a continued growth is ideal. I'd like a triad with Mr. and Mrs. Nice. I like my relationship with D. And I like living alone. At the very least, I'll always require my own bedroom and eight hours of sleep alone. I love deeply, but greatly value my independence.
Part of me would also really love to have a biological child of my own, but I oddly doubt that would happen unless I had a partner who would stay at home. I believe in stay at home parents, and most men aren't willing and part of me still holds onto heterocentric beliefs, so, oddly, I probably won't give birth to a child unless I have a live-in female partner.
I love being in love and having great, rewarding relationships with wonderful people, and three is a great number for me. I just want my partners to live closer.
5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
Some of the time. I'm limited because of my job how "out" I can be. My parents know I don't exclusively date one person. My friends know I'm poly and better understand that. Limited people at work know. I usually present myself as single and simply "dating around," but even "dating around" would not be acceptable for some people who have a good deal of control over my career. I'm totally satisfied with my "level of outness." When I'm working, I don't share my personal life, my political beliefs, or anything like that. I'm there to do a very specific task, and my personal life isn't mainstream. I don't like others pushing their personal lives on me, and I try to do the same.
6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
No. Heirarchal poly makes more sense to me, but that doesn't make it better.
7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
- I get to be in three very different, very wonderful relationships.
- My desire to explore the minds and bodies of very different people is fulfilled.
- Some different form of NRE occurs when I go from partner to partner. D seems so fresh and interesting now that I've started seeing new people. It's great
- It's nice to feel attractive and lovable by more than one person.
- People expecting me to be a whore. (Not my partners, or they wouldn't be with me.)
- The uncomfortable feeling when you don't know what someone else wants or expects from the relationship.
- Balancing these relationships and trying to initiate conversation/a game plan for relationship management.
8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
It could happen. Sex is a bonus, not a necessity. I can definitely see myself being sexually non-active, so why not monogamous?
9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
I wouldn't recommend any sexual lifestyle or mindset to anyone.
10) What's the happiest you've ever been? In a mono relationship, no relationship, triad, vee, etc? How did the dynamics of your relationship contribute to your happiness?